Saturday, 23 February 2013

Of rats and sinking ships.

I realise that I haven't posted for almost 6 weeks. A lot has happened. None of it good.

1. OD has had it spelled out by the oncologist- he has metastatic bowel cancer. No more neoadjuvant chemotherapy. No more chance of cure. No more chemo until they find a met or he starts to get sick. He's been told that he will " probably continue to be well for 6 months...but not for 18 months".

2. I'm moving into a one-bedroom next weekend. It all got a bit much, and I need some headspace.

3. OD and I haven't really talked in weeks, maybe months. He's shutting down, internalising..."when I'm reading, I'm not thinking about dying..". He probably feels like I'm the ultimate "fair-weather" girlfriend, although he's been too classy to say it to my face.

4. I feel like a dirty, stinking rat abandoning a sinking ship.

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